CHILDBIRTH FAQ
How will I know when to go to the hospital?
My water broke gently (it just felt like my pee went on for too long after I was done). I felt intensely painful contractions with the second. I was overdue with both so I went to the hospital in both instances. Once your water breaks, there is risk of infection so it’s a good indicator to get going. Recommendations state to get your bags in the car when contractions are 4 minutes apart, last 1 minute for at least 1 hour (411 Rule). You start bleeding down there. You’re over 37 weeks something impels you to go- better safe than sorry!
What is the mucus plug? It sounds gross!
It sure does! It seals the cervix and prevents infections to the fetus. Your guess is as good as mine because I didn’t notice it either time for myself, but it doesn’t necessarily indicate the start to labour anyway so I wouldn’t go investigating the toilet too closely looking for it.
How painful is delivery?
This cannot be explained briefly for simple comprehension. The level of pain is one that is not normally felt for any adult leading a typical, average lifestyle. Whether you have an epidural (you will feel it when the meds wear off), c-section (the recovery I hear is really tough) or natural birth (Google: Ring of fire), there is A-level pain involved.
Sorry, motherhood brings with it a whole new world of suffering. If I were to try to describe it, it would be to an imagined situation. Perhaps being squeezed into a torture box full of spikes? Maybe a vice, studded with nails and being squeezed in it? This is silly, I can’t describe it. Like what I guess is being hit by a thousand bullets and strangled from the stomach, but you don’t die? I could go on.
Is it true some women poop when pushing?
Yes. Yes it is. I did with my first, but not with my second.
That’s so embarrassing! How do you live with it?
You have no idea. The minute you check yourself in to the hospital for delivery, you’ll find you also need to check your vanity and dignity out the door. After, you realize your entire life is nothing but obsessing about your angel’s poop for the next year, it all becomes relative.
How does a baby manage to come out of there?
It doesn’t. That’s why your lady bits tear. Yep, you heard me right. The bundle of joy will tear right out of you. Unless they don’t. I’m part of the sad 35% that do.
What pain relief options are there?
I wasn’t offered anything other than an epidural. This is the large, scary looking needle that worked like a charm for me. It numbed the contractions to a dull pressure but I found it hard to push as I couldn’t feel much. The only downside is if your labour is too quick (like my son), you may not have enough time for it. I don’t think hospitals offer laughing gas or opioids any more. Oh, and there’s always massage, hot water bottles and breathing techniques to try in the meantime.
I’m terrified. Can I really do this?
Yes. You can and you will. It’s too late now. Hahaha, joking kind of. Don’t worry, we all manage. When you finally hold your baby for the first time, you will harness the superpower within to deal with all the things.