My Second Pregnancy Story

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They will play together!

Even today, I can’t confidently tell you how I decided to have another baby. It wasn’t a decision made with spirit and determination. You should know by now I am not a natural at this whole motherhood thing and it’s with great reluctance I face every morning with these lovely (of course) but constantly demanding (needy) mini-people.

I think I got suckered into the dream of having built-in playmates. Imagining the bliss of enjoying two wonderful children playing together and me, watching them from afar with my piping hot coffee and productively working at the table. They will play together for about 5 minutes. It’s delightful. Then come the shrieks followed by someone crying. This cycle continues throughout the day. I don’t know when I last drank a cup of hot coffee.

Or maybe it’s because the world is made for a family of four. One parent for each child. You can usually get one kid in free for amusements with the purchase of an adult ticket. A table set comes with 4 chairs included. Plane seats most often come in 2’s or 4’s. Okay, yes, there are rows of 3 seats sometimes, but you get my point.

Some also say a woman just “knows” when her family is complete. And I guess I felt ours wasn’t done because we left if up to chance and I got pregnant again. Any way you slice it, here we are: Second pregnancy.

I am trying to remember my pregnancy because my baby is a year old now, and I have to say, it flew by. Most likely because I had a toddler to take care of, but I’d also become very jaded of the whole thing after my first time around and wasn’t googling what sized fruit the baby was every week.

I sought out the care of midwives this time. I preferred their philosophy of less testing, usage of natural methods but mostly was hoping that with a midwife, I’d have more freedom during my labour- instead of being stuck to the hospital bed for hours.

I looked forward to discussing natural labour methods such as walking, swaying and maybe even giving birth in the gravity-aided squat position! I expected a midwife to fulfill these desires and more, and awaited her to lead me to these conversations.

Long story short, I had appointments with different midwives as my main carer was just coming off of a maternity leave of her own. The appointments involved less trips to blood labs, but were brief and general, not unlike my visits to the ob/gyn; It was less clinical and a bit more inviting but looking back, they weren’t much different.

This time, I had a toddler in tow so I mostly wanted them to be over quickly so I could make it back home for naptime. At the beginning, I was just comforted by the fact that they weren’t sending me out to get much bloodwork or ultrasounds done. This was a relief after my first pregnancy experience where it’d felt like I was at a lab or clinic every other week.

There was also no mention of “advanced maternal age” which boosted my self-esteem. But as the pregnancy progressed, there was no mention of labour methods. I missed a couple of appointments when it was just too inconvenient to drag my toddler and my heavy body as we were also moving homes at that time as well and the office involved a farther drive. I figured the conversation would happen sometime in my third trimester.

There was no worry this time around from inconclusive tests or questionable results. As a second timer, I was calmer as well, not in a panic at every twinge .

I experienced more severe morning sickness. I actually vomited a few times- which isn’t bad from other stories I’ve read about- Nothing requiring hospitalization. I enjoyed meat and ate well, despite bouts of nausea now and again. I didn’t crave sweets as much. As the digestive disturbances abated, I ate a lot. Nothing in particular, just a huge quantity of food.

Disregarding the prompts from my midwife, who had returned from her maternity leave looking like she’d gotten her pre-pregnancy body back, to watch my diet and weight I continued packing on the pounds. I knew my comfort eating was not something I could work on and overcome during a pregnancy, so I smiled and nodded but continued as before. I am miserable during pregnancy, so it was a matter of using all the resources I had to get through it.

I suffered from aching joints, back pain and trouble breathing by the third trimester. I was heavy and felt it. Also, I could feel him kicking and punching his merry way which was reassuring as I had hardly felt my daughter moving. But this became almost intolerably painful near the end.

After failing to make a connection with my midwife, I stopped making an effort to see her on the days she was working and made appointments when it was convenient to me. Imagine our combined surprise when the new midwife asked about labour methods and circumcision and I told her we hadn’t discussed it yet.

I was certain I wanted an epidural. I knew my limits and was not at all confident enough to labour completely naturally. However, from the options she listed, I told her I would like to labour in the bath. Finally! I thought, here’s the payoff to coming to a midwife!

Then she brought up the topic of circumcision. And I have to profess I had no idea what a furor there is over this topic (not dissimilar to my ignorance about breastfeeding). She basically told me it’s completely unnecessary and amounted to mutilation. It’s not a religious practice for us, so it was easy to agree to opt out of an invasive surgery.

I was almost a week overdue and 2 days before a scheduled induction date. You can read about the childbirth fiasco I had with my main midwife, but as with my second pregnancy overall, it happened and then it was done. I have no recollection of anything really out of the ordinary. Or most likely I have erased it from my memory. Ha!

I now know, my family is complete.

Never again friends, never again.